Seal of Approval
by Fishing For Teeth
Summary: Upon becoming Hokage after the Pein attack, Naruto receives a special stamp given to all Kages. An AU crack fic, more like a loosely connected series of one shots. May have lemons, will have awesomeness.
1. Chapter 1

"I must say Kurenai that is one good looking baby you and Asuma made, what's her name?"

"Why thank Naruto, her name is Ayane"

"Well baby Ayane; you get my seal of approval."

With that said the newly instated Rokudaime pulled out a stamp and pressed it against the infant's forehead, leaving behind the word "Approved" in red ink.

As if somehow comprehending what the blonde had done, Ayane gurgled happily and waved her little fists in the air.

However, her mother had opposite reaction, a tick mark clearly forming on her own forehead, "Why the hell did you stamp my baby Hokage-sama?"

"So she's now is eligible for state funding and has my official backing of course. Trust me it'll come in handy when you have to pay for school."

The genjutsu specialist smiled, calming down upon hearing his explanation, "Umm, well thank you that's very kind."

Naruto scratched the back of his head and smiled. "Aww shucks, it's the least I could do. The only downside is that the ink is permanent."

"Oh . . . wait, what!"

"See ya Kurenai!" the Uzumaki said quickly running away, "I've got more things to stamp!"

"You get back here you baka!"  
/

"Hmmm, what more can I stamp? I've already been to Ichiraku so that's covered. Sakura's boobs might be a good idea, but she might get offended if I mention the phrase "boob job".

Naruto let his eyes wander every which way as he walked down the street, taking in the sights of the newly rebuilt village.

After the Akatsuki had attacked it had been a real pain in the ass getting things organized and restored. But with bit of elbow grease, thousands of shadow clones, the help of Yamato's instant wooden houses, and everybody pitching in anyway they could, the job was finished sooner than expected.

Suddenly the sight of a slowly forming crowd in front of an empty plot of land caught the jinchuuriki's eye.

Walking over, he made his way through the throng, the mass of people parting like the ocean in a biblical story once they saw who he was.

He tapped on a random person on the shoulder to draw their attention.

"Excuse me sir, what's going on here?"

The person, who turned out to be an old civilian, turned and grinned, "Why hello there Hokage-sama, these young folks got bored and started a dance competition, this is the final match."

Naruto looked and was surprised to see the bug user Shino facing off against Sai, the apathetic Painter-nin. They both were making stiff, precise movements while making mechanical noises ranging from buzzing to dings and siren calls. From the looks of it the Aburame seemed to be winning.

Five minutes of intense dancing later, he did.

The referee, decked out in the standard black and white stripes, stepped forward and grabbed Shino's hand raising it in high in the air.

"I declare Shino the Android, Model #009, the winner!"

The crowd cheered and the victor turned to face his defeated opponent, and said in an unmistakably "robot" voice:

"Beep-beep, boop. You have been eliminated, come back in two centuries when your dancing proficiency has exponentially increased and you have a chance of defeating me, Android, Model #009. Remove yourself from my sight primitive."

The boy with the exposed stomach simply shrugged his shoulders and walked away.

"Is there no one out here that can defeat me, the Invincible Android Model Shino #009?"

"I can and will!"

Everyone turned to see the self proclaimed challenger, Naruto, who had managed to find a tin pot and was now wearing it on his head like a helmet.

"And who might you be, other than a fool?" Shino inquired raising an eyebrow.

"I am Uzumaki Naruto, the last of a race of cyborgs, who was sent back in time by mutant battle toad scientists through a black hole to prevent your reign of tyranny over all life before it even begins!", yelled Naruto sternly, though inside he was laughing.

Shino looked smug but it was mostly hidden by the high collar of his coat. "Ha! A cyborg you say! You may have mechanical components but your human emotions hinder your overall capability! Prepare to be terminated!"

The two dancers wasted no time in throwing down, chirping and blaring, moving their arms and legs at right and 45 degree angles, occasionally using their ball joints to swing their pretend robotic limbs.

Their movements to win were ferocious, as was their will to succeed and destroy. Behind them the crowd yelled and roared, lines drawn and bets quickly made, the Hokage or Shino, many of whom actually thought he was a machine.

The battle was fierce, sweat dripping from their gyrating bodies, or in the taller male's case, imaginary oil. Neither gave in and neither would tolerate that the other doing so. This shared desire to thoroughly and unquestionably beat the other led to the competition extending past the previous limit of ten minutes to two hours, then three.

Finally it became clear that Shino simply did not have the stamina that his counterpart did and after awhile he simply collapsed in a twitching heap.

The referee approached the down figure, making sure he wasn't dead, then took the blonde by the hand and raised it as he done to Shino earlier.

"Naruto the Cyborg wins!"

Thunderous applause followed the announcement. Over the hours the large pack of people had swelled until one could barely see what lay beyond the sea of flesh.

Naruto had just grabbed the champion's belt, which matched his outfit surprisingly well, when he felt a hand grab his ankle.

"Syntax error, 8888888, this scenario does not compute. I possess the ability to calculate pi to the last digit and process variables in order to virtually predict the future but I did not foresee this. I must know. How were you able to defeat me?"

Naruto stood tall, chest puffed out in pride. "While your computing powers are great, you are limited by your prime directive to hate and dominate all life. In your lust to rule all, you left out the capability to love, which my human heart, which while flawed, has the capacity for. It is not your fault however. The power of love is infinite, thus your automaton mind cannot hope to comprehend, explain or process it. That is why you lost."

With that said the Uzumaki bent down and stamped his seal on the back of Shino's left hand. After that he walked and away merged into the crowd, becoming lost to the eye in seconds.

Shino blinked looking at his hand curiously, "I see. Maybe next time we meet things will be different. Until we meet again Naruto, until we meet again."

/

I got home at 3 am, turned on my computer and this happened. Review, please.


	2. You Give Love A Bad NAme

Making sure not to make a sound, the broad shouldered ninja made his way down the hallway carefully avoiding the floorboards he knew were prone to squeaking. He slid his hand along the wall to his right, searching for the hidden panel that lay underneath the paint.

Applying the lightest touch and a tiny dose of chakra, the panel depressed into the wall with a quiet click. A few moments later there was another click and a hidden compartment opened in the ceiling and from it a ladder extended downwards. The infiltrator climbed the ladder and quickly deactivated the seals at the top step which would've alerted the entire household to his presence.

He tiptoed his way across the secret room until he finally stood in front of his goal: a stainless steel box, no labels, no brands, and no signs that it had been mass produced in a factory or currently owned by anybody. The surface as smooth and cold to the touch as he expected and just as he anticipated the feel sent a shiver of anticipation up his spine.

Then a thought crossed his mind, guilt filled him, and he let go of the metal container.

Suddenly the ninja felt a disturbance and immediately turned to see an all too familiar form sitting on a table across the room.

"Oh it's you. I thought I told you stay the hell away from me although I'm not surprised to see you here." He menacingly growled at figure cloaked in shadows.

"Giving me the silent treatment, eh? Well I wasn't planning on listening to what you had to say in the first place. You disgust me, and don't even try to act sweet. I know you're nothing but a whore."

Further silence was the only silence was the response he was given, though the atmosphere seemed to shift ever so slightly.

"That's right; I called you a whore because you are one. Whore, slut, skank, harlot, shameless hussy; you're all those names and more, far more than I can come up with without a thesaurus. Begging won't work on me. I have others to think of, people I care about, and associating myself with you will bring me nothing pain and humiliation."

"Oh sure we had some good times back in the day, we were almost inseparable. I thought you were the one and thought you felt the same, but what did I know? I was young and naïve, thinking I knew what love was. But I was wrong, so very wrong. You broke my heart as easily as butcher breaks a chicken's neck. You're nothing but poison."

Still no words were spoken back at him and that was making him nervous, slowly chipping at the hollow front he was projecting. But words weren't necessary; he could fill in the quiet without any problems. Their relationship had just been that strong.

"And I'm not going to take you back no matter how much you beg me and I won't fall for any of your tricks, and don't think I don't know recognize them, I know them front to back. There's nothing you can't do that I can't see through. You've always been straight forward and you haven't changed one bit."

"I don't want you're excuses either. You weren't looking for me in the restaurant a week back when I saw you with those savages. Yeah, I was there. Right across from you and you didn't even notice too busy whoring yourself. Letting them touch you, tongue wagging while their mouths slobbering wherever they could, all while you and your whore friends giggled and took it like mindless objects. Oh don't think I haven't been on the watch out for them either and what I've seen they haven't seen changed either. Not one bit."

Again the atmosphere seemed to stir, a certain scent filling the air that put the man on edge.

Deep down he knew he couldn't hold out much longer. The straw that broke the camel's back finally came when a ray of moon light came streaming through the window, lovingly enveloping his counterpart in a unearthly white glow. He tried to say something but he knew it was useless.

"Fine damn it! But only this one time! After this I never want to see your face again! Never! And you're not leaving here till I eat the whore right out of you!"

With that said the young man dived forward and embraced the object of his desire. But, unbeknown to the shinobi, he was being watched and observed from the trapdoor he had just come from.

"Chouji! What the hell are you doing!"

The heir to Akimichi clan looked up in shock and horror at his father who returned his gaze with the same emotions flashing across his face.

The teenage boy was covered in crumbs, bits of apple and pie filling clad only in his underwear. From the looks of it he had forsaken the utensils placed neatly besides the plate of pie and decided to maul the dessert with only his meaty hands.

"Where the hell did you find this pie Chouji! I thought we all agreed to go on a family diet!" Chouza roared though he seemed a bit anxious.

"Isn't it obvious? I got it from you dad!" Chouji yelled pieces of pastry crust tumbling of his mouth, "I saw you weren't getting any thinner so one day I followed you here, right to your secret stash!"

Chouza involuntarily stepped back at his sons angry words. Then without warning he began to cry, his double chins jiggling as tears poured down his round face. He rushed forwards and embraced his only son who started to cry himself.

In front of them the door of mini-fridge swung open revealing compartments filled with vegetables and health food which they both they knew was only put there to hide the various snacks and sweets hidden deeper within.

"I never should have left that pie out. Don't worry son, we'll get through this. I promise we'll get through this together."

To the duo's right a blond haired head could be seen looking through the window, eyes wide open as they observed the emotional scene.

"Freaky behavior, does not get my approval. Father/son relationship building does."

* * *

I find that my most inspired writing happens between 12 and 5:30 am in between watching TV and discovering new ways to use my waffle iron, which may explain why these one shots seem so strange (to my friends at least).This chapter in particular was inspired by an episode of Family Guy and a father/son duo I know in real life. On a related note for those wondering when the Naruto/Hinata element of this story is going to come in, you don't have to worry any longer, it'll (probably) happen in the next chapter or two


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